I don't care about skata.

I'm Greek, haters.  Do I like being Greek?  No.  Why?  I'm 5'9'', hairy and my penis isn't big.  If you need more reason than that, I'll smother you in the grease of my hair.  The only Greek thing I happen to know and love is the word "skata."  Skata means shit; if you didn't know I love the word "shit" then you have a lot of skata to catch up on, hater.

I've been a professional hater out of the womb; the only thing to match my haterskill is my incredibly ability to eat the box like it's bento.  Hatin' on an entire half of my ethnicity take a lot of hard work, but that skata pays off, haterinos.  Every so often the media faces a storm of bad jokes directly from Greek culture.  It found its height when "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" came out, which should have been name "My Big Fat Greek Foreheads."

There's more forehead per square inch than there are actual Greeks in the world.

Seriously.  Even Aiden from Sex and the City has a forehead I can post bills on.  But that's not even the point I'm trying to make.  After this movie came out, I was literally embarrassed to be Greek because this movie glorified Greek people to be these festive, unintentionally funny people who say "OPA!" all the time.  Seriously, every time I've heard "OPA!" since seeing this movie it has brought me one step closer to an aneurysm. 

Greek people are stubborn, resentful and boring as skata.  If you like sitting around on leather-coated furniture and watching television with fat people who wear their brown leather sandals with white socks, then Greeks are for you.  Seriously, Greek people are eating themselves away from existence and it's pretty sad.  In fact, Greeks are statistically fatter than Americans and probably lazier...  Americans are supposed to be like the fattest people ever, too.  But these stubborn Greeks just had to be lazier than Americans despite their mild climate, beaches, parks, mountains and other scenery ripe for exercising around.  What bugs me even more is that the internet is slower out there, their T.V. sucks and they're behind on videogames.  This means these greasy fucks have no excuse for being lazy.

The key to success for a Greek person is to ignore the fact that they are Greek at all.  Jennifer Aniston went as far as to denounce her ethnicity by deconstructing her Big Fat Greek Nose.  Once she did that, she became a superstar.

Being Greek is like being part caveman.  Sure, the cavemen invented fire...  But does that make you want to be one?  No, because humans have developed ways to use fire better than cavemen.  The same theory applies to Greeks.  They may have invented philosophy (by the way, you can't invent philosophy, that's like inventing thinking) but that doesn't mean they got it right on the first try.

If you're Greek, you understand where I'm coming from.  You need to supress your Greek genes because they make you suck.  For those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about, I'll make it simple:

Being Greek is like having mild retardism (no it's not a real word).