Lately, I've fallen into a slump... A slump I blame entirely on the awkwardness of being a teenager who looks like he's in his mid-20's.
I’ll be the first to admit I don’t look my nubile age of nineteen, nor do I really fit the demographic of someone my age either. My facial hair has body, I don’t attend a secondary school, I’m good at communicating verbally and I don’t let my naivety blind me into hating myself and everything else around me. I let realism do that for me.
Because of this, I’ve found myself dating women in an age bracket slightly above my own. Now we all have fantasies about bagging a woman who is a bit older than us, men, but when it becomes the only barrel you can fish out of it makes you want to go dive into the Dead Sea with a bloody dick.
There are two downfalls to dating older women: The superiority complex and man-hate.
Let’s face it. The entire reason a woman her age is even bothering with someone my age is shallow. They desperately cling onto the innocence of my youth while taking advantage of my matured body; I’m the best of both worlds for a woman who is having an identity crisis. They’ll tell you things like, “Age is just a number.” That is until they’re complaining about something and, “You’ll understand in a few years.”
Such a condescending phrase, it makes me want to rip her overly-menstruating vagina out. Eventually the relationship becomes a game of getting as much sex before she has the depressing realization that I was born in the 90’s.
There are two downfalls to dating older women: The superiority complex and man-hate.
Let’s face it. The entire reason a woman her age is even bothering with someone my age is shallow. They desperately cling onto the innocence of my youth while taking advantage of my matured body; I’m the best of both worlds for a woman who is having an identity crisis. They’ll tell you things like, “Age is just a number.” That is until they’re complaining about something and, “You’ll understand in a few years.”
Such a condescending phrase, it makes me want to rip her overly-menstruating vagina out. Eventually the relationship becomes a game of getting as much sex before she has the depressing realization that I was born in the 90’s.
A woman will be the first to tell you when you’ve done something wrong and if you’re younger than her? Then everything you do is wrong and she’ll be behind you explaining how grown-ups do things.
And if the Gods so happen to give you a day where she isn’t nitpicking at your life, she decides to complain about men her age and offer you advice on how to not grow up into the monsters she’s encountered. The irony, however, is that the man becomes a monster because she’s self-righteous woman on the brink of having her 30-something unable to grasp the concept of self-improvement.
And if the Gods so happen to give you a day where she isn’t nitpicking at your life, she decides to complain about men her age and offer you advice on how to not grow up into the monsters she’s encountered. The irony, however, is that the man becomes a monster because she’s self-righteous woman on the brink of having her 30-something unable to grasp the concept of self-improvement.
So why don’t I date girls my age? The same body and mind that makes me slightly attractive to older women makes me repulsive and terrifying to girls my age. The fear is so real that even I feel like a pedophile when I’m hitting on them. Just because I grew a beard and I don’t dress like I can play FLIPCUP LIKE A BEAST doesn’t mean I’m trying to molest you.
I have no clue how to not seem creepy either. I’m good at communicating with people; I ask questions and stimulate conversation. But to girls my age, this just comes off as a rapey vibe. “Why is he asking all these questions about me?” She’ll ask herself, “Is he trying to molest me? What a creeper!”
No, you dumbass, I’m trying to be a decent human being by exercising the basic skill of communication.
Even on facebook, I can’t so much as make a joke about how attractive a girl is without the vicious backlash of creeper comments. But if my profile picture had me wearing a snapback with a plastic cup, I’d be more-than-okay to talk about your ass.
It’s unfair, quite frankly. I’m a teenager! I like teenage girls! I’m not a pedophile. I just look like one. Christ.
It’s unfair, quite frankly. I’m a teenager! I like teenage girls! I’m not a pedophile. I just look like one. Christ.
No comments:
Post a Comment