The Collegian's Shel Silverstein

As it is his Birthday this week, I will be dedicating this post to Shel Silverstein.  He is somewhat of an inspiration to me.  Taking the most simple elements of language and turning them into boundless ideas and inspiration for kids everywhere.  Before his death, Shel was working on a college-level poetry book.  It was to be his magnum opus.  To commemorate his birthday, I have decided to post up a few of the poems from the unfinished project.

I present, The Collegian's Shel Silverstein.

The Used Condom

If  I’ve been thrown aside,

Filled with seed, his gooey pride.

I know I’ve helped a lifelong pursuit,

To sully the legions of virgin coot.

And if his friend is drunk enough,

I may have use, to save his stuff.

From sloppy seconds, the finest meal

And STD’s, the one’s that don’t heal.
So humpity hump that tender blossom,

Then thank me once, the used condom.

If I’m drunk too…

If I ‘m drunk too,

Then my penis is game.
To thrust here and there,

For Frat House fame.

And if I’m drunk too,

The 360 will break,
“Why is it out, hm?”

I ask for Rum’s sake.
And if I’m drunk too,

A douche I will be.

Not for fun or for laughs,

But for douchey glory.

Pukey Pat

One drink, two drinks, three drinks, four!
Whiskey, vodka, beer galore!

I say I’m the champ then there is no other!
But here comes the vomit, oh my brother!

Blaaaghahghahshhubbleboo,

I think I farted with a little poo!

Five drinks, six drinks, seven drinks, eight!
If I miss the toilet, it is me they will hate!

So I dash and I run to the porcelain throne,

But I trip and I fall and I vomit while prone!
Blagakakagahubbalug,

Sorry, my friend, I stained your rug!

Nine drinks, ten drinks, eleven drinks, twelve…
I knocked all your bottles off the shelves.
So I stumble and bumble and pass out black,

Before the team can even rerack!
Hublablashablahgukat!
This is the legend of Pukey Pat!