The past, presently.

When I was fifteen, I knew a girl named Holly.  Holly was an object of boys' desire back in that day (and may I confess she still is).  And lucky for me Holly was my neighbor and she was also my friend!  All the more relevant, I totally wanted to throw my kielbasa in her (but failed countless times).  Now, what made Holly so appealing was a) straight up ass and b) she knew how to hang with the boys.  And let's face it, women are pretty much fucking lunatics at any age - but at the tender age of fifteen they're like cornered rodents; so having a gal who knows how to be like a boy did wonders for everything ever (this follows my I'd Be Gay For You If You Had A Pussy, John Theory).  The following story takes place in a brief period of time where my chubby, pubescent self fell into a spout of funky love with Holly and emotionally scarred me for rest of my life.

But before I start the story I want to speculate a bit.  Presently, I'm at odds with my past.  I've concluded there are two ways to look the dumb shit we do as kids - and when I say "dumb shit" I don't mean setting fire to a treehouse or trying to do a backflip into huge shrub, I mean weird things that we try to repress the memories of in adulthood.  So we can either look at that time you let the dog give you a half-job as something deeply disturbing about yourself that you prefer to take to the grave or you can view it as your innocence unknowingly conflicting with taboos.  As adults, we gain the ability to think decisions through and decide if society would view it as batshit crazy whereas kids, we just tend to go with the flow until there's an unbearable feeling of shame within our cores. 

Which brings me to fifteen years old, stripped down to my socks in Holly's bathroom with a buddy of mine.  And despite a pretty picture I may be painting of a teenage threesome, there was absolutely no reason to be stripping down into our socks.  Holly was fully clothed, Holly was watching television, Holly had no clue what we were doing in there.  But regardless of the various factors telling me and my buddy to not get fucking naked we got fucking naked, baby.  Now this buddy of mine, we'll call Gordon, was (and probably still is) better endowed than I was, he could also grow a better 'stache and had more pubes than I did, but who was counting?  (I'll take Gordon with a tweezer for $200.)

So the grand scheme, from what my memory allows me to remember, was to get naked and bumrush Holly with our floppity dicks for the lulz.

We'll stop here for a moment to evaluate the situation.  Two naked teenage boys, one clothed female, potential bumrush, in HER home - and it was a surprise nonetheless. 

If I were to do this today, it'd be sexual assault but back when I was fifteen it was just plain ol' dumb shit. 

So we totally bumrush the broad, who I'm TOTALLY digging right at the time, kielbasas waving in the wind of innocence.  First Gordon went in, his modestly sized fifteen year old cock goin' in gunzablazin'.  Then comes me, the second - Wait, why the fuck is blushing so hard...  And laughing?  AND pointing? 

Why because I had child's dick at the time.  And the moment I realized that she was having a hearty laugh at my not-so-hearty acorn, I bolted back into the bathroom trembling with embarrassment.  When I went home I contemplated all the excuses I could give, I tried for weeks to make my kielbasa longer with various stretching techniques and the lot (all it did was hurt my dick!) but to no surprise, nothing could take away the shame.  It took me about two years to shed those inhibitions and finally lose my virginity - but since then my relationship with my cock has never been the same, I've really grown closer to him and trained him to overcome any sort of embarrassment he'd ever face again.  Now, my dick will simply laugh back at his hecklers before showing them the greatest night of their lives. 


But still, even to this day, I'll look in the mirror and see a naked fifteen year old boy staring back at me with an acorn dick.  My memories reminding me that dumb shit will never go away, dumb shit is what defines us.