Human Resources.

I think running headfirst into a wall is the equivalent of sitting through orientation with Human Resources.  Allow me to rewind...

I was sitting through orientation with the Human Resources department for work and I felt like running headfirst into a wall, because it's the equivalent feeling.  The last thing any person needs is an extremely energetic, five-two, physically fit, happy-go-lucky guy named "Guy" telling us that we reflect the company wherever we may be in the entire world.

"Remember, you're always on the clock."

If that were true for this job, I would've applied for Batman's new Robin; at least crime-fighters are actually on the clock...  And the anal rape would be honest.

The Human Resource department of any company is a joke.  The workplace is an environment filled with adults; no matter how bad things may get, we have our bosses and our natural ability to communicate with other humans to resolve any conflict.  Instead, we have a midget sporting a cheesy smile and an '01 haircut dancing around telling grown-ass people that throwing bottles is "not appropriate for the workplace environment."

By the way, Guy, the fact that you said "workplace environment" makes me want to throw a bottle of my own shit at you.

I've had to walk over to Human Resources before, you know what I saw?  A bunch of miserable people sitting around because they've realized their department is useless.  The only people that need Human Resources are the people that work over there.  Even then, I'd prefer it if someone went postal and shut the branch down permanently.

From what I learned in the second grade, the only resources humans need are food, sex, shelter and water.  If Human Resources had any of these things, I'd be grateful.  The closest I got to any of those was finger-banging the "Employee Relations" officer.

How's that for an employee relation?  amirite?