New Years Reviewsolution is a three part, annual series in which I review the past - shit on it - and make fixes for the year coming. Part I: The Flop
The Turn is a general post discussing the "whys" and "hows" behind my successes and failures.
I know there are a few billion people in the world who have heard the parenting story about the hot surface. The story about a child who is so interested in touching something hot (ie: a radiator, stove, candle, etc.) that he/she will keep on trying despite the warnings of a mother or father. So, the parent takes the child's hand and puts it on the surface, burns them and they learn that shit is fucking hot. This was supposed to be a lesson on consequence - this is hot, therefore don't touch it.
My mother claims she did the same thing to me, I don't doubt it considering I was a stupid fuckin' kid - but this method of parenting is most likely the reason I am the way I am today. I've been programmed to touch the hot surface before learning my lesson; in other words, I've been trained to monumentally screw myself before earning the knowledge on how not to take life's big dick in my humble anus.
I'm not blaming my mother for being shitty at life - I mean, she's only human and you only get one chance to raise a kid - but I'm totally blaming her. I live my life by consequence, I will do what I like until life tells punches me in the mouth for being an idiot. It slows the process of growing up considerably, but I like to think that I'm living life more thoroughly than the next person - that's what makes me kickass.
And if my mother is pissed at me, I can't really apologize for it - I learned how to do it all because of them. Rather than learning by example, I've been taught to learn through experience. The only thing I can control is how low I will let myself go before learning my lesson.
Then we have my father. His method for raising me has always been focused around two questions: "Are you okay?" and "What's your plan?"
The latter makes me want to drink mercury for the slight chance of pissing mercury. If you're letting me pick my own plan, then please don't criticize it - because chances are the plan of a twenty-year-old man is somewhere between awful and rape. I haven't lived for almost fifty years, so I don't have the hindsight to take into account everything that I should be worried about. My plan mainly consists of comedy, sex, pot and getting money; we all know how well I did with that.
The only positive from all of this? I'm not living on my parents' dollar anymore and this puts me in a power position - the kind of position where I get to be left the fuck alone if I dare so ask for it. But even then, most kids my age are either living with their parents or going to school with their money - which is pretty fucking convenient. So why didn't I do that? Well, besides the fact that I'm pretty bad at the whole schoolwork thing; my entire family thrives on guilt.
Members of my family will do something nice for you without you asking, then make you feel guilty for not being appreciative or repaying them. My parents, like most other parents, will make me feel guilty for being raised - how the fuck can I thank them? How can I repay someone for raising me? It's not like I could've given them a middle finger when I was an infant, packed my shit and moved in with a buddy. Because of all the guilt trips, I decided to get out on my own as fast as I could - not asking them for tuition or a job, or a place to stay, or anything (even though I'm currently living with a family member). Truly, the consequence of the savvy mind fucking has conditioned me to strive for independence. I want to be on my own because I'm escaping the possibility of having to owe someone something - not because I want to be independent.
My conclusions from all of this is that I've been made to live life fighting the negativity instead of embracing the positive. And I honestly can't thank my parents enough because I fucking hate hippies.
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