Isle De Mousouris: Children's Resort

Too far up on your moral high-horse to abort a child?  Too suspicious of adoption?  Terrified your illegitimate child will seek you out one day?  Then I have the answer for you:

Isle De Mousouris

The finest long-stay children's resort.

Sometimes it is hard to keep our children.  For Andrew Mousouris, he will never know this pain because he is unable to bear children himself.  But a star will never stop shining simply because it is its darkest hour and he has come to provide us all with an answer, including himself.  Isle De Mousouris is a long-stay children's resort where you can send your newborn to live a life you could never provide.  

Located on the island which it is named after, Isle De Mousouris provides customers with the satisfaction in knowing their child is safe, and that they will never get "that phone call" or "that doorbell."

Finally, an answer we've all been waiting for...

Andrew Mousouris is the man courageous enough to raise all of your children single-handedly with a large staff of about thirty-five thousand.  Why does he do it you ask?  The answer was stated earlier...  A man who wishes to have thousands of children cannot even bear one, so he looks to you for a mutual helping hand.

All children will be cared for in his luxurious Gothic mansion:

Fit with isolation chambers for prompt correctional action.

As your child grows up he or she will learn the importance of hard work and perseverance by working in our Fantasía De Oro Mina.  Andrew Mousouris believes every child should grow up with some physical activity to promote a healthy, long-lasting life.  

Little Andrew Jr. hard at work!

Savage wildlife inhabit the island and provide a fun, mildly dangerous environment for the kids to learn about nature.  Miles of poison oak forestry, bears, mountain cougars, et cetera are all mascots for the famous Isle de Mousouris.  At the age of sixteen, children will be placed into the forest to learn basic survival tactics as well.

Your child will be ready for the real world in no time!

Worried your child will not grow up feeling the true love of a parent?  Worry not.  Andrew Mousouris will see your child every day through a state-of-the-art surveillance system and your children will see him because the finest contemporary artist studying in realism will provide them with life-like paintings of their gracious father.

100% of children with successful parents grow up better than children with unsuccessful parents.

 What's best?  Any sort of rebellious attitudes are non-existent on this island.  The children learn from a young age the important of loyalty to their guardian, anyone who fails to realize this will be given special attention in our La Gruta De Tormento.  That's right, a grotto!

A ginger form of non-lethal punishment in our exclusive grotto.

If you cannot provide your child with a mansion, beautiful wildlife, successful education, art, or approved disciplinary action, then this is most definitely the place to send your newborn.  No worries, peace of mind and your kid will be cared for by a celebrity all for a small fee of $600,000 dollars.  Cash.


I swear to god if a check is written, we will murder love your child so hard.